Monday, April 21, 2008

Letting Someone Use You

I was reading an article in a Money magazine and someone asked a question of when they should tell their significant other that they are wealthy.  The questioner was divorced and had a relationship after her marriage where her new boyfriend "used her" for her money and "made her" buy him expensive things.  The writer wanted to know if she should hide her wealth from someone she was getting serious with.

Now, full disclosure time, I was pretty up front with my girlfriend about my finances.  It couldn't have been more than a few weeks before I told her what I made.  I'm not sure I told her how much I have in total for a while, but I certainly didn't hide the fact that I had a lot of money, and I make a good amount.

But that's not the point of this post.  I actually don't really care how or if people tell their significant others about their finances.  I tend to think it is a good idea to because finances are so important (the #1 reason get divorced is because of a financial problem or differences)

What bothered me more than anything was the victim mentality.  How do you "let" someone use all your money?  Nobody can make you spend money on them.  They can't reach into your pocket and force you to buy them nice things.  They may trick you into thinking they like you for some other reason than your money, but only you can actually let them spend your money.  If you think it's going to be an issue, draw boundaries.  I only buy things for my girlfriend that I'm totally willing to give.  I wouldn't be angry after the fact no matter what happens, because I choose to give what I want in that moment.

What do you think?  Would you feel bad if you spent lots of money on someone and then found out they were only with you for your money?

1 comment:

  1. I agree with Suze Orman that you should be upfront with your serious partner about money. Your financial chemistry needs to mesh in order to have a lifelong, happy relationship. Don't get married if you already have financial differences (like overspending or gambling). People are funny about money. People don't like others telling them what to do with their money... even their own partners. Choose wisely.